When a Parent Hasn’t Healed, They’ll Pass Down Their Pain Disguised as Protection

As parents, we want to give our kids a better life.

But if we haven’t worked through our own wounds, we sometimes pass them down… without realising it.

We might think we’re being protective. Supportive.

But sometimes, it’s fear showing up in disguise.

If you grew up without much freedom, maybe now you overcompensate — avoiding boundaries altogether.

If you grew up with pressure to succeed, maybe now you focus on your child’s achievements — trying to make sure they “turn out okay.”

If you grew up feeling unseen, maybe you hover — constantly checking in, trying to get it “right.”

None of this means you’re doing a bad job.

It just means you’re human.

And you’re parenting with what you were taught — unless you pause to notice it.

Because our kids don’t just absorb our advice.

They absorb our energy.

They notice what we say and what we avoid.

They learn love through how we speak, how we listen, and how we react when things get hard.

And the truth is, your child doesn’t need perfection.

They need to feel safe.

Safe to be themselves. Safe to make mistakes. Safe to grow.

That safety comes from us — but it starts with healing what we’ve carried for too long.

Because when you do the work to understand yourself, you give your child something powerful:

A calmer home. A clearer model. And a version of love that doesn’t come with pressure or fear attached.

🖤 Question for the Circle:

What’s one belief or parenting habit you’re starting to question — and what are you hoping to shift instead?